Leap-The-Dips

17 Months continued….

Thanks for bearing with me on this. I am a newbie….I know, your shocked! When you lose your thoughts its hard to move forward with consistency. My thoughts for my last post were finished but were lost due to my rookie experience with WordPress. I vow to improve!

Recapping 17 months, I was posting our journey over the last year and a half and looking for positives in hopes of detaching from the political whirlwind.

Our relationship is the best it has been in an awfully long time. We have rekindled a connection that was once lost in a haze of his altered reality and my confusion. We enjoy each others company. He has come out of his self-seclusion and is enjoying the company of others. There has also been a reparation of relationships with his sister and other family members. He’s different, not angry, distrustful or hateful as he once was. He has a true concern for others now and is kind and even fun to be around.

Before Covid-19 hit, I decided we needed a pet. I felt a need to introduce a breath of fresh air into the routine existence we were already experiencing. I searched the animal rescue sites until I found a picture of a dog that I immediately connected with. So I set out to adopt her. We learned that she had been dropped off at a kill shelter as a puppy, adopted then abandoned and kept in a kennel for most of the next four years. She had been in jail, so to speak. She was perfect! I named her Little Orphan Annie the Rescue. She has an Instagram page!

Truly when I see a bumper sticker that reads “Who rescued who?” I completely get it. She is a welcome gift that has brought joy to both our spirits. She always makes us smile.

I mentioned in my last post that my son had several interviews for jobs. Employment is an important factor for returning to society and becoming independent. This was one of my original goals for him. This Monday, he was hired and began working. We were able to get a loan for a work vehicle and had a small inheritance from his Gram for a down payment. He had another interview on Tuesday and was hired at a new construction company that is just getting established. He will be working with them on weekends as well.

I am a very prayerful person. I, and others have doubted if I was doing the right thing letting him back in my home and my life. It was an excruciating decision I had to make. I asked myself the question, “If a mother doesn’t help their child, who will?” It has been very painful, especially in the early stages of his recovery. The goals were met with unending perseverance despite many challenges in paperwork, finances, health and a depressed individual that had no hope for any good outcome. I didn’t give up. I gave it to God and did my best to be in peace.

Step by step you continue climbing the lift hill of the roller coaster. As always, there will be ups and downs. Your ride continues with caution. When you reach the top, what comes next? That depends on the kind of coaster your riding. Is it a twister, full circle, an out and back, a loop maybe a boomerang?

Hopefully, its not a shuttle coaster. They proceed forward, stop, head backwards and go through the same course. We have ridden a shuttle coaster in the past. I’m not willing to get back on that ride. I can only pray that he’s not either.

17 Months

We have been through so much in the past few days- Impeachment 2.0, attacks on our Capitol Building, people dying, attacks on our freedoms, raising numbers of deaths from Covid-19. Bad news around every corner. I am an optimist. I like to look on the bright side. I have to write about something positive even though I haven’t shared the details of our journey. A little background info may be helpful.

When my son arrived here after a 30 hour bus trip, he was angry, thin, depressed and exhausted but grateful to be able to breathe fresh air. Life behind bars gave him a new appreciation for freedom. Fair treatment was not always available. It was more the exception rather than the rule.

His anger stemmed from the fact that he was caught for his crime. He was angry that he was betrayed by so called friends trying to save their own rear ends. He had been loyal but now he took the fall. I felt as if I were living a Mafia movie. People really think in these terms? I just couldn’t relate.

Unfortunately, he received little to no rehabilitation during the ten or eleven months he was incarcerated. He remembers he has a taste for drugs and alcohol. He is and hopefully will stay drug free although he does enjoy having a cocktail. Most times a few more than one. That is addiction. I’m assuming that will be the way it remains for the rest of his life unless he can conquer the demons that lead him to numbing the pain in the first place. I can’t get him there. That’s way above my expertise. I truly believe addiction stems from some unresolved conflict that found relief when first introduced to its weakness whether that be drugs, alcohol, food, sex, or even shopping. Addiction is an escape for what ails you.

My son has gone through an amazing transformation since he came to my home to complete his sentence of house arrest and parole. He hadn’t had a drivers license for ten years due to a DUI. He was able to go through the process of earning it back with classes and a learners permit. That was a major accomplishment and quite a morale booster. He had convinced himself that would never happen. He got there step by step, a little at a time.

He had Hep-C. That was a sickening reality I had to face. He wasn’t concerned about it because he just didn’t care about his health or anything else. He didn’t care if he died from it. I cared. With many calls and much research we went through the process of public health. We went to the local health department. I am so grateful for that service. Felons are not able to have any help from the government medically or financially.(Although he did qualify for family planning and could get a vasectomy.)

Since he was on home confinement for several months, it was up to me to provide for him. I had already taken him to get an eye exam. He had lost his glasses and had no contact lenses in jail. He arrived with a pair of glasses that he had traded for a bag of chips. They only had one lens but at least he could see something! Any medical appointments or medications would be his responsibility to pay for. He had no insurance let alone an income. Private funding and donations made it possible for him to receive his two month supply of medication for the Hep-C. It was a God send. I couldn’t afford to pay for it. Mavyret, the medication that was prescribed to him cost $40,000. There is help for those who need it. He had no side effects or problems taking it and recovered fully with the prescribed treatment. Another step forward.

He was able to get counseling as ordered by the courts. His appointment was once a month by phone because of the pandemic. I believe it has been helpful although daily counseling occurred at home. Sometimes he listened to what I had to say and sometimes not. Typical. Although, I do believe he has greatly grown to respect what I have say.

At this point, I am going to try to be optimistic and believe the paragraphs that I had written after these will somehow reappear as I continue to learn this program. It was my final proofreading before I pushed the post button. So I am posting what I have written and not lost. I hope you have found some value in my words and I will continue the story on my future posts.

I’m Back!

I haven’t added anything to this for quite a while. Life can get in the way of your hobbies.

I have a strong calling to write. I may have gotten that from my dear, sweet mother. I have so many ideas I can’t decide where to focus. (I am a bit ADD) So, I’ve decided to write at whim and hope I can find my niche!

I am resolved (since New Years) to write more this year. I hope you will follow my blog even though I am learning as I go. I think I have important thoughts to share. I hope you will as well!

Photo by JESSICA TICOZZELLI on Pexels.com

Good Morning!

This is really not how I start my day. However, I don’t speak English until I’m about 1/2 way through my second cup of coffee. I love the slow morning movement of being retired. I hustled and bustled to get 2 children off to school and a husband out the door so I could get ready to get to my first grade classroom. I’d beeline straight to the coffee pot on arrival before heading down the hallway of colorfully displayed art work of future Picassos. I loved being a teacher. For 38 years that’s how I started my days. Now I enjoy the solidarity of no alarm clock, sleeping in, meditating while drinking my coffee and planning my schedule for the day- most days.

I have a new challenge in my solidarity. I am trying to help a recovering addicted adult that just so happens to be my son. I moved ten hours away to retire and escape from the puzzle pieces, slowly put together, over many years, that took the form of a long time addiction. So many things I didn’t understand. Sometimes, I thought I was losing it-missing items, dialogue that was twisted, strange visitors at all times of the day or night. Always a need for more money. It didn’t make sense to me. I just knew that the only way I was going to change the situation was to leave it behind me. My children are adults. They are working and taking care of themselves. They had flown the coop( with intervals of returning to the comforts of the home they grew up in). It was my time. I rolled the dice, sold my house and moved to the beach.

The next two years, I enjoyed entertaining guests, traveling and doing exactly what I wanted to do. That’s what retirement’s all about! My children seemed to be fine. My daughter would hint that things with her brother were not as they should be. He was always nasty to her so they weren’t the best of buds. She would never come out and tell me any details. I believe she was trying to protect me from the reality of the situation. One night the phone rang, “Mom, I want to let you know before you hear it from somewhere else. The police are looking for your son. They have a warrant out for his arrest for selling drugs and they think he’s on his way to your house” Like a bolt of lightning, It got real- fast.

Where Are You?

Sunday

Do you ever think that you can’t be the only person that has gone through the everyday ups and downs of caring for a person with drug or alcohol addiction?

This blog is an attempt to reach out to anyone with concerns or questions on addiction issues from the eyes of the family. Hopefully it will be a sounding board for support and camaraderie as we travel the roller coaster tracks of addiction.

Today we are at the station waiting in line to board the train or exit our seat. Everything is calm and peaceful. Hints of enjoyment even laughter echo the hallways. All is well, today. It isn’t perfect but finally we are closer to getting off the ride rather than climbing the hill to begin the downward slide. Where are you today?